The following story show how a lady lived through the first anniversary and how the grief did soften in the subsequent years. 

I was genuinely surprised at how awful the first anniversary of my husband’s death was.  And it wasn’t just that one date; I was a mess for over a month beforehand.  I had terrible nightmares, insomnia at times, physical complaints, incredible irritability. It seemed I had undone all the grief work I had accomplished to date. My reactions came as a frightening, confusing development.  It wasn’t until about a week after that I gained my perspective on what I had just gone through.  In that week or so, I began to regain my equilibrium. I calmed down, I slept, I felt relieved.  It seemed so obvious then; I had 
Dreaded the anniversary date but had suppressed my feelings. As that first calendar year unfolded, each special day reminded me of the fact that just one year ago on that day my husband and I had been together.  And I knew what was coming next-THAT day.The inescapable fact is that the first anniversary date is going to be a fiasco. You are going to feel absolutely rotten.  But one thing I learned is that if you accept this simple fact, then you won’t feel so bad about feeling bad. In other words, if you expect to feel badly 
then you can face your fears and take action.  The next year, I was better prepared. I expected to feel lousy beforehand.  I surely did, too, but for only about a month before the anniversary.  The day itself I went to church and cried.  It was a comfort to cry, it was appropriate. 

After five years I still get anxious and unhappy before the anniversary, but each year the pain is less, the period of dread shortened.  I’ve learned how to manage the pain, how to be nurtured by HOPE. 

Tips on making it through the Anniversary

1. In the beginning years, the time before and the anniversary day will be difficult and even painful. It’s a fact.
2. Take the day off from work and plan a simple day, reading, relaxing, and being with family and friends.
3. Light a candle for your loved one and spend a special moment remembering.
4. Be gentle and patient with yourself and others. 
5. Don’t expect too much of yourself around this time.

Concentrate on the fact that some day you will be together again, rather on the death.