"Connection" May Be the Answer for Some Mental Health Problems 
 By Denise Mann 

Today, the phrase 'getting connected' means having a better, more static-free cell phone than the next guy. It  means having a faster Internet connection, with a superior cable system. 

But is that what getting connected is all about? Not according to mental health experts, who say that really feeling a part of  something, belonging to something, is what gives life its meaning, direction, and purpose -- whether it's a team, family, peer group, or religious institution. 

We live in a world where advances in technology, like the expanding Internet -- which allows us to order groceries, rent movies, and even "talk" to friends without ever seeing another soul -- may do more harm than good if they take the place of  human contact and connection. 

"The Internet should not be the only thing you rely on for contact," says Leon Hoffman, MD, the director of the Parent Child Center New York Psychoanalytic Society. "Somebody who has trouble with real relationships will only develop them over e-mail," he tells WebMD, which means that, ultimately, close contact with someone will become more and more difficult. 

That's not to say the Internet is all bad, he adds. "Tangible relationships can be nurtured by the Internet as long as [those connections] do not become a substitute for real relationships," he says. 

Hoffman says that feeling alienated or disconnected can be especially difficult during the holiday season. 

"People who don't have connections really feel alone during holidays because this is the time that they perceive everyone else to be enjoying time with friends and families and celebrating," he says. 

His advice? "Try to find a church, synagogue, or another group setting where you can make some kind of connection," he says. "This is very, very helpful because you don't have to find a best friend to become part of the group. This is why there has been a real resurgence of institutions like church, synagogue, and youth groups." 

A study, published in the November issue of the journal Pediatrics, reported that adolescents who feel disconnected from their school may be at risk for unsafe behavior and poor health. School connectedness means that the student cares about his or her school and feels close to school personnel as well as the school environment. 

To assess "connectedness," researchers surveyed 2,000 students in grades 7-12 from eight public schools, with high rates of school failure, teen pregnancy, and child abuse. They found that those students who feel "disconnected" were more likely to smoke, visit the school nurse more frequently, have poor health, and lack involvement in after-school activities. 

But, Hoffman explains, "the more stable the connection, the better off we are in terms of dealing with stress and feeling good physically and emotionally." 

It's quality, not quantity, he says. "You don't have to have a lot of friends, but you need one or two good, reliable friends that you feel very close to," Hoffman tells WebMD. 

In his latest book, Connect: 12 Vital Ties That Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life, and Deepen Your Soul, Edward M. Hallowell, MD, suggests several places for people to start  developing the connections they need to survive and thrive. Potential sources include family, friends, community, work, pets, and religion, writes Hallowell, a child and adult psychiatrist and  the founder of the Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health in Sudbury, Mass. 

As a starting ground, he suggests asking yourself the following questions -- and taking action based on your answers: 

Your family of origin. Are you as emotionally close to your family of origin as you would like to be? 

Your immediate family. Do you treat one another with love and respect? 

Your friends and community. Do you see friends and neighbors on a regular basis? 

Work and activities. Do you feel a sense of mission at work? 

Appreciation of beauty. Do you make time to enjoy a  favorite art form? 

History. Do you feel the power of the past in your daily life? 

Nature and special places. Are there special places that speak to you in ways no other place can? 

Pets and other animals. Do you seek companionship from your pet or other animals? 

Ideas and information. Do you feel that you know how to get the most out of your brain power? 

Institutions and organizations. Do you take pride in group membership? 

Greater truth or spiritual faith. Do you continue to seek the truth by whatever means make sense to you? 

Yourself. Do you feel comfortable being who you are?