The Postponer:
The postponer is the person who believes that if you delay the expression of your grief over time it will hopefully go away.  This person may feel that if the grief doesn’t vanish, at least there may come a point in time when it will feel safer to experience the pain.  The grief builds inside the person, pushing toward the point of explosion, making him or her feel even less capable of experiencing feelings related to the loss.  A few people will consciously acknowledge this pattern with comments like “I just don’t want to grieve right now. I’ll think about it later.” The truth is that postponing the expression of grief interferes with the grieving process making it longer and harder to get through. 

The Displacer:
A person who takes their grief away from the loss itself and displaces them in other directions.  For example, while not acknowledging the feelings of grief the person may complain of difficulty at work or in relationships.  Or the person may appear to be chronically agitated and upset at even the most minor of events. While the person may be vaguely aware of displacing it usually occurs with total unconsciously.  The displace can become bitter toward life in general or turn unconsciously turn inward on themselves in self hatred or depression.  This person may project unhappiness from the inside to the outside by believing that other people dislike him or her. 

The Replacer
A person who takes the emotions that were invested in the relationship that ended in death and reinvests the emotions prematurely in another relationships. Observers assume the replacer must not have loved the person who died if they can become involved in a new relationship so quickly.  In actuality, the replacer has often loved very much, and out of the need to overcome the pain of confronting feelings related to the loss, moves into an avoidance pattern. Example: when a spouse remarries. 

The Minimizer
He attempts to prove to himself that he is not really impacted by the loss that was experienced.  Observers of minimizers may hear them talk about how well they are doing and how they are back to their normal routine.  This person often believes that grief is something to be quickly thought through but not felt through. This is typically an intellectual process in which words become a substitute for the expression of authentic feelings.  Any feelings of grief is very threatening to the minimizer who seeks to avoid pain at all cost. The more this person works to convince himself that the feeling of grief has been “overcome” the more difficult it becomes to allow for normal emotional expression. 

The Somaticizer
This person converts his or her feelings of grief into physical symptoms.  He may have a range of symptoms from common complaints to severe chronic disorders with no real basis for the claims.  Many people in grief unconsciously adopt this role in an effort to get their emotional needs met. By taking on the “sick role” people around them legitimize their very real need to be nurtured and comforted. They have a fear that if they tell people that they are grieving that they will pull away from them.  Note that this is different from persons who actually become ill during this time period.  Many investigations have documented a genuine physical risk for the griever much greater than someone who is not grieving. Be aware of your emotions and physical well being and do not confuse the two. 

The Worker
This person begins to overinvest in work to a point where no time is available to think or feel about the loss. Interestingly enough the worker is often following advice of well wishers who encourage them to “keep busy”. Work addiction compounds the problem and creates a hurry up and rush through it approach to grieving,. This is self defeating. 

The Chemical Abuser
It is no accident that chemical abuse is a common problem for many bereaved people.  Comments like “Here, take this, it will make you feel better.” reinforce this behavior, interfering with the work of mourning.  The reality is that patterns of alcohol and substance abuse cause disruptive sleep patterns, worsening mood states, and increasing agitation.  Drug abuse can become a destructive pattern of behavior that blocks healing for years. 

The Shopper
The person who spends money in efforts to avoid the work of mourning.  “Retail Therapy” provides short term relief until another “fix” is needed.  Some people rationalize the behavior as “being good to myself” as they spiral into massive problems with debt. Or people who may buy things and then return them. This instant gratification is similar to the actions of a chemical abuser to get the “high” of feeling as if everything is ok and that nothing is wrong in their life. 

The Eater
The eater is a person who continually craves food. The eater may be trying to fill a void from the emptiness felt inside his or her body.  The eater may not be able to change the behavior and gains a lot of weight. Studies have shown that stress denied often stimulates hunger centers in the brain. 

Most of these responses are also symptoms of depression which is common to a person who is grieving. Try and recognize any of these behaviors within yourself and do not be too quick to feel that sense you are not crying or visibly angry does not mean that you are doing ok. You must deal with the reality of the death and the affect that it has had on your life before true healing can begin.