Communication is the key to coping and growing as a family through grief.  It is important to be together to talk, cry, rage, or even sit in silence.  At the same time there should be respect for each member’s way of handling their grief. Some family members will grieve privately, others openly, and others a combination of these two styles. In many ways each family member must grieve alone. 

Here are some suggestions to help with family grief:

• Continue to give attention and time to your present family members when you are together.

• Maintain balance of attention between deceased family members and surviving family members.

• Try to be sensitive to each other’s feelings. Feelings are often difficult to verbalize. 

• Listen to what is meant as well as what is said.

• Hugs, a hand on the arm or back gives comfort and a sense of closeness.

• Set aside time to “be together” as a family or to even hold a family meeting. 

• Encourage DON’T pressure family members to talk and express grief in their own way.

• Plan family projects or trips.

• Make a “family diary” in which each family member may contribute a writing or drawing. You may want to make a collage together.

• Be careful not to give each other the silent treatment. Make sure the person who has died continues to be part of the family conversations.

• Respect the life stages of various family members; a teen might gravitate towards peers in coping with grief.

Discuss the loved one’s former role in the family which now necessitates changes in family duties and new roles for the survivors in the family. Be careful not to expect a family member to replace or to be the same as the member who died such as expecting a young boy whose father has died to be “the man of the house.” 

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